The Grim Fate of the Ewoks as Proven by Science


        Remember those little guys? Those are the Ewoks, the cuddly little storm trooper killing mascots that have divided Star Wars fans since the release of Return of the Jedi in 1983. Some people love them. Some people loathe them. I find myself just kind of creeped out by them. Even when I was little they freaked me out.

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Probably has something to do with these dead, rapey eyes…

             Well, to those of you who love them, you may want to leave the room now, because I’ve got some bad news. For those of who aren’t Ewok fans I bring tidings of great joy! Those little furry bastards are dead. Real dead. All of them. At least that is what the team of 12 physicists told Tech Insider when they were asked the question of what would have happened to the Ewoks once the Death Star Mark II was destroyed. Long story short, it would have played out like the scene from Armageddon where thousands of asteroids pummel New York City, except in this case it would have been millions causing giant forest fires that would have consumed up to half of the planet. On top of that, there is a chance that the radiation from the exploding reactor would kill them first, as one of the physicists suggested. Either way, things don’t look good for anyone who is still partying it up on the moon once the pieces of the Death Star make their way into the planets atmosphere. This isn’t exactly a new theory, it has actually been something Star Wars fans have discussed for years, however this is the first time that scientists have taken the time to break down the facts and prove the theory. Must have been an exciting day in the physics labs for them, wacthing Star Wars and describing the nuclear firestorm that followed. And people say science is boring…


what are your feelings on the Ewoks? Sound off in the comments!

3 thoughts on “The Grim Fate of the Ewoks as Proven by Science

  1. One thing to point out is that the death star is most often cited to have a “hypermatter” reactor. Not knowing the true nature of this supposed ‘hypermatter’ (other than it not being natural in normal space) we can only guess that Endor could be saturated with a lot of harmful radiation as a result of catastrophic failure of the reactor. The radiation and the debris from the Deathstar would saturate Endor IF the hypermatter reactor failure did not cause the bulk of the Deathstar’s mass and radiation to be lost to into locations unknown via hyperspace (a theory I have heard from many sources about why there was so little debris after the destruction of the Deathstar).

    1. That’s interesting, I have not heard that one yet. I like it though because it means hopefully those little furballs survived.

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