Jaguar Shot Dead During Olympic Torch Ceremony

        Well here is one of the most disappointing things that anyone is going to read today. As if the Olympic host country wasn’t already enough of a shit-show (which it most certainly is), today during one of the Olympic torch carrying ceremonies a female jaguar named Juma was shot and killed after escaping from her handlers. First question, what the actual fuck? How do you let the jaguar loose, and why the hell was it even there in the first place? And just to be clear, I am not one of those PETA loving no-animal-should-be-put-on-display-ever dudes. I am just genuinely perplexed at what kind of aesthetically pleasing goal they were shooting for by chaining a jaguar between two guards and taking a picture with it near the torch. Seriously, look at the picture. It looks like someone photoshopped an Olympic torch carrier into a picture of soldiers after they captured some village destroying predator.


Whatever image they were going for here, I don’t think this was it

        Now, instead of a doofy picture, Brazil is dealing with yet another Olympic headline showing just how completely inept they are at pulling off an event like this in their country. Pollution, environmental damage, and ZIKA aren’t enough, now they have to add oh and we also shot one of out pet Jaguars to the mix. And on top of it all, again I have to say, how did you let the giant predator animal loose? How does that happen? Oh, also the whole thing was illegal according to the Amazonas government. Not that legality is exactly a hard and fast rule these days when it comes to the Olympics but I guess that’s still relevant. All I know is August can’t get here soon enough, at this point the sooner these Olympics are out of Rio the better. In the meantime if you are in Brazil and are on anything more than two legs consider taking a vacation, I hear Costa Rica is nice.


My Wife Has a Crush on a Famous Brit, and I’m Alright With That

        I’m pretty sure every woman has a famous crush. Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Pratt, Benedict Cumberbatch, the list goes on. My wife Amy is no exception. I don’t know if it’s the accent, the fact that he has traveled all over the world and filmed in all sorts of exotic locations, or that he loves to be photographed with cuddly animals all the time. Either way, every time he comes on TV we have to stop whatever we are doing so she can soak up all that suave, animal loving goodness. Did I mention that he loves animals? Cuz the dude loves the shit out of animals. Reptiles, amphibians, mammals, birds, insects, and fish he loves them all. His name is David Attenborough, and he is the guy behind almost every important nature documentary in the last 40 years.

My competition ladies and gentleman

        To say that Mr. Attenborough is a national treasure in the UK is a bit of an understatement. His lists of accolades and accomplishments is staggering to say the least, to try to list them all here would take WAY too long but believe me when I say you would be hard pressed to find a more decorated documentary filmmaker in all of cinematic history. To this day he remains the only person to have won BAFTAs in black and white, color, HD, and 3D. Dude is a straight up stud. The fact that he is pushing 90 and is still getting out there throwing on wet suits and swimming around in the ocean, trudging around in the sahara desert, walking around a frozen arctic tundra. He sees and does more in a month than I do in an entire year. Luckily he is considerate enough to film it all for us so we can learn a damn thing or two. Seriously, I am looking forward to his upcoming 90th birthday celebration more than I am looking forward to Game of Thrones coming back tomorrow night.

I will see your rugged explorer and raise you one kindly old badass

        So yeah, I don’t mind sharing the affections of my wife with you Sir Attenborough. You are the only man that can make two hedgehogs banging in your front yard sound interesting, and keep me feeling like a perv for watching. So here’s to you David! Keep doing your thing, we will keep watching, Amy will keep crushing, and your work will keep influencing the minds of children and adults the world over.


Well, Maybe There’s Hope For Us Yet

I’m sure that the world was a scary place when I was growing up, full of just as much war and disease and oppression as there seems to be this day in age, but now that I am older (although not as much wiser as I would like to be) it seems like these types of news stories get to me more and more each day. The election is an absolute clusterfuck, but then again they probably all have been and this is just the first time I have actually cared enough to read an article about it. The world is gradually warming and melting polar ice caps. Countries I would have a hard time finding on a map are fighting other countries that I would have a hard time finding on a map, and are threatening the few countries I could find. Discrimination and racial tension are running rampant throughout the country and are showing signs of getting even worse before they get any better. The goddamn Kardashians are popping up on my news feed for some God-awful reason. The point is as a no-longer-quite-so-young adult, the world I am living in now seems a few shades darker than the world I grew up in. At least it is on most days.

It’s what we all keep telling ourselves

        Don’t worry guys, there is some good news mixed in there as well, if you look through all the muck and mire long enough that is. Stories of the largest coal mining company in America declaring bankruptcy. Sure, it’s a story that is sad for the employees involved, however what we are really seeing is a shift in the global perception of what is and what is not an acceptable form of energy. Of course that doesn’t mean that everyone is rolling around in electric cars and popping up wind turbines in their yards in order to power their homes, but it is progress. It is a sign that as the younger generation steps into the higher levels of industry, we are no longer content to just maintain things as they once were. We accept that the planet is important and that as much as some would like to deny it, things are starting to look a little grim. It’s the beginning signs of accountability for a species that has spent almost all of it’s history just bulldozing right past it. There are other stories of progress such as the SpaceX reusable rocket landing or the fact that GE recently created a turbine the size of a car exhaust that can power a small city. It also runs of carbon dioxide, the same shitty stuff that we have been tossing into the ozone for the last few hundred years! Progress is being made! Sweet and glorious progress. These aren’t the only ones either, there are even more stories like these if you know where to look.

        Now, none of these things are going to completely solve the world’s problems on their own, but when you start putting them together over time it shows a shift in the mindset of humanity that gives me something to hold on to at night. Stories like these may be the diamonds in the rough at this point, but for right now it’s all I need. These are my stars in the dark night. Plus, they give me something more interesting to talk and write about than what is going to kill me the next time I step out my front door.

China Proposing Worldwide Clean Energy Grid

        China has built up a pretty terrible reputation over the years due to their contributions to the world’s growing pollution problems. A booming industrial economy, coupled with very little government regulation on Chinese businesses has led to multiple cases of environmental disaster as well as a steadily growing air pollution problem. Some of these issues are even things that we have written about before. However, much to the surprise of Environmentalists everywhere when the President of the State Grid Corporation of China proposed a $50 TRILLION worldwide power grid that they would like to have in place by 2050. So I guess they have been saving up all of their environmental improvement ideas for the last few decades in order to throw out this gem instead of, you know, improving gradually over time. Nope they are just gonna fix this bitch in one go.

Step one of one hundred

        All joking aside, it’s a gargantuan step in the right direction for the industrial giant. It proposes using a combination of wind power in the north pole and solar power near the equator to create a genuine globe spanning source of clean energy. It’s a hell of an ambitious idea, and one that won’t be coming to fruition anytime soon but who knows? Even if only the Chinese portion is built it will be a vast improvement over the current environmental climate.


When Good Bees go Bad

Bees are essential to plant and animal life on this wonderful planet of ours. However the small flying honey producers we all love (or hate depending) are in grave danger as they are surrounded by a myriad of threats that are causing their populations to rapidly decline. Why should we care though, I mean these little bastards just fly around all smug, stealing pollen from those plants in your garden. And if those black and yellow stripes aren’t gang colors I don’t know what are. Do you really want your children out there playing with these thugs. What if they get stung, what if they are allergic! Dear God wont someone think of the children!

The truth is, as I said in my first sentence before you got all hysterical on me, honey bees are essential to our environment. There are many different plants and foods that they help pollinate, such as almonds. Once Albert Einstein said “Mankind will not survive the honeybees’ disappearance for more than five years.” Now that may not be literally true as honey bees are not true natives to North America and there are other pollinators that existed before and after their arrival on our continent. And after all the Native Americans did live quite healthy lives before the palefaces showed up and through a wrench in their health care system, but that’s a topic for a different time. But Einstein did have a point a lot of the foods we all know and love require honey bees to do their pollination, and certainly the resulting necessary shift in agriculture that would be caused by the world wide death of the honey bee, would cause food shortages and starvation. So if you want those previously discussed children to be able to eat almonds we should care.

One of the many problems effecting the every day bee on the go is sexual rebellion. No these are not teenage bees, nor are the bees taking to the streets and burning their bras and protesting. In fact almost every honey be you will ever see is female, the males are kicked out of the nest to die shortly after they mate with the queen. I can hear the angry mutterings of the men’s rights activist already, but no that is not what I am talking about either. The queen is normally the only bee that lays eggs and this is the right and proper way of things (for bees anyways I am not sure Elizabeth II would be up to populating the whole world). But recently it has been discovered that when certain chemical changes occur in the wax it can cause the everyday workers to begin competing and laying eggs of their own. This is the sexual rebellion I was talking about. Why is this a problem you ask, surely this will just mean more bees and weren’t you just telling us we needed more bees. Wrong! Unfortunately these workers only lay eggs of male bees which are for all intensive purposes useless to bee society (sorry guys). Not only that but the competition I mentioned is more of a murder orgy, than a friendly game. This behavior can quickly destroy a colony. So far the whys and the hows of this problem, not to mention what to do to fix this have not been discovered.

In the mean time you can do a few things to help bees if you so desire. You can become a beekeeper this way you can bring bees back to your local area and you get to reap the benefits of all that extra honey. If that doesn’t float your boat you can plant foliage that bees like here is a list. This way your yard can be pretty and you can help out our little stripped friends. Lastly if you ever have bees that take up residence in an unwanted location, such as the walls of your house, then use a bee removal specialist who will safely remove the hive without killing it instead of using poison to kill the critters. So go get out there and hug a bee and let them know how much you appreciate their hard work (note: do not literally hug a bee it will most likely sting you).


China’s Newest Industrial Disaster

China once again has a industrial disaster on their hands as a man made dump sight has breached causing waves of mud and industrial waste to flood the area, burying buildings and killing workers. The real shame in all of this is that the company had already been warned to stop dumping in that spot to prevent this exact type of disaster from happening. Unfortunately the warnings were ignored and instead have led to a loss of life and another black eye for the countries booming industrial sector. Here’s hoping there are more survivors to be found in the aftermath.